Last chance to subscribe to my new location...
http://curioushawkstudio.blogspot.com/
I am going to be shutting down this site in the next week or two.
Thanks!
Mary Anne
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Thursday, July 11, 2013
New Location
For those who may have missed me on Facebook, this blog has moved to a new location. You can find new posts at-
http://curioushawkstudio.blogspot.com/
I have decided to merge my two blogs together to make life alot easier. Instead of having two separate blogs on different topics I am merging them into one. Please make sure you subscribe to the new blog as I am going to delete this one in the near future. Thanks!
Mary Anne
http://curioushawkstudio.blogspot.com/
I have decided to merge my two blogs together to make life alot easier. Instead of having two separate blogs on different topics I am merging them into one. Please make sure you subscribe to the new blog as I am going to delete this one in the near future. Thanks!
Mary Anne
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Advenutre Year Takes a New Turn...
It's been a long time since I have written. A long, LONG time. For those of you who may be wondering, I did not drop off the face of the earth. I am still right here in the city, doing my thing. I haven't been focusing very much on my blog, because I have had a lot of other stuff going on, as I have mentioned in previous posts.
For awhile I felt like I was failing my adventure year. I felt like if I didn't post insert number of times a month here, then I wasn't doing what I set out to do. The thing is, I am still focusing on the theme for the month, I just haven't had as much time to write about it. Last month was very much an adventure, with letterboxing, a trip to Hocking Hills, and buying dancing lessons that will hopefully start soon. My relationship with Mike is still very new, and every day with him is also an adventure as we grow together and get to know one another. I have also started a huge, time consuming project, which has been eating up most of my free time. All these things have kept me very busy and I haven't had time to blog, and for that I felt profoundly guilty
However, I have been doing a lot of thinking the last few days, and I have decided to drop the guilt and stop putting all these unrealistic expectations on myself. If I am being really honest, I don't really think I am failing my adventure year, I think the adventure year itself has changed some. When I first started this project, I really needed something to keep me and focused and fill my time while I was reeling from the pain of separating from my husband. My adventure year gave me something to do, something to look forward to, while I tried to rebuild my life.
Eight months later I am in a much healthier place and I don't really need it as much as I did before. I am filling in the holes that my divorce left with things that make me happy, new friends, new relationships, new goals. So I am not going to apologize for not writing as much as I used to. I have decided if it's not fulfilling for me to write four times a month then I am simply not going to do it. I am sure you all understand. It doesn't mean I am going to dump the whole project, there are still important things I need to focus on in the months to come, but I am probably going to do it more for myself and not have as large of an online presence as I did before.
I guess what it really comes down to is I am trying to lessen unnecessary stress by doing what makes me happy. Right now, focusing on my other projects and spending time with my friends and family makes me happy, and to me, finding your passion and what makes you feel joyful- that is what life is all about.
"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and
go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
-Howard Thurman
Monday, April 15, 2013
"X" Marks the Spot...
I'm finally back from my several weeks of going rogue. The ending of March was simultaneously lovely and full of sorrow. Mike and I seem to have fallen into a comfortable routine of visiting each other throughout the week, and I seem to have assimilated myself pretty well into his family by bribing his father and brother with home cooking.
However, despite the joy these events have brought to my life, the last week of March also harkened the close of yet another chapter in my story. Several days before Easter, the final step in the dissolution - the hearing with the judge - was held and my marriage was officially ended by the authority of Ohio State's judicial system. I was rather shocked because, once all the parties were assembled at the lawyer's office, it literally took all of five minutes to end an almost four year partnership. It happened so fast I didn't have a chance to feel sad; didn't really have a chance to feel anything. It wasn't until much later that evening, while I laid awake in bed reviewing the events of the day, that it hit me - I was free. Truly and completely free. As many of you are well aware, however, freedom has its price and the cost of my independence was the loss of my best friend of more than eight years. Despite our differences I still love him, and it kills me to know that I have played a part in his pain. With my whole heart and soul I wish him nothing but all the love and happiness the world has to offer.
Compounding my sadness further, a former family member then passed away not even a week later, and I felt helpless to provide any comfort to those whom I had previously held dear. He was a good man and I will miss him and remember him fondly.
Through all of this I have tried to remind myself to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, for if I have learned anything over the last eight months it's that there is no going back. The only way to move on is to move forward. So I have picked up my adventure year banner once again and I am pushing forward into Adventure April!
My birthday is this month, this week actually, and I wanted to have some fun in honor of my twenty-sixth year. Last Sunday the weather was absolutely beautiful, and Mike and I went on my very first adventure for the month - a bona fide treasure hunt!
I don't think it would be much of a stretch to assume that many of you dear readers have enjoyed the ever entertaining "pirate looking for buried treasure" fantasy at some point during your youth. Or maybe you still dream about it, who knows? Not going to lie, being a pirate would be pretty bad ass... What I am guessing you DON'T know, however, is not only, through the magic of the Internet, can you find clues to hidden treasure, but the cost of doing so is completely free! Yup, you heard me right. It's a wonderful little activity called "letterboxing" (see the end of this post for more detailed information). I had read about it a couple of years ago in the newspaper and had always wanted to go, but never had anyone to go with. The basic premise of letterboxing is that you can download various "clues" and then follow said clues until you find the hidden container at the end of the trail, which usually contains a hand-carved stamp and a logbook. Once found, you can ink your own personal stamp into the box's logbook and note your name and the date on which you found it. Then you stamp the letterbox symbol into your own journal as a souvenir, re-hide the box in the same location and, voilà! Someone else can later find the same "treasure" and see that you left your mark.
There are hundreds of letterboxes all over Columbus and the surrounding cities, but there were at least twenty or more hidden out at Greenlawn Cemetery alone, so that is where Mike and I decided to pop our letterboxing cherries. Despite initially having trouble following the clues, it was incredibly exciting to find our first box. I felt like a kid in a candy store when we opened it up to see what was inside. We went on to find at least a dozen more over the course of four hours, and we didn't even get to all the ones on the list! We came home hungry, sunburned, exhausted, and pleased as punch that our first letterboxing outing lead to such bountiful results. We are both hooked and are already planning our next adventure for later this week when we are in Hocking Hills. We will also take Mike's four year old little boy with us at some point because I am sure he will get a kick out of looking for buried treasure. What kid wouldn't?
I am trying to keep that same childlike sense of wonder and adventure alive this month and not dwell too much on adult worries that are out of my control. It doesn't do me any good to stress myself out with needless anxiety at the moment. So, in the interest of journeying forward, and in the spirit of this piratey post, I am going to try really hard to remember the following (which I am shamelessly stealing from a Rachel Platten song) -
However, despite the joy these events have brought to my life, the last week of March also harkened the close of yet another chapter in my story. Several days before Easter, the final step in the dissolution - the hearing with the judge - was held and my marriage was officially ended by the authority of Ohio State's judicial system. I was rather shocked because, once all the parties were assembled at the lawyer's office, it literally took all of five minutes to end an almost four year partnership. It happened so fast I didn't have a chance to feel sad; didn't really have a chance to feel anything. It wasn't until much later that evening, while I laid awake in bed reviewing the events of the day, that it hit me - I was free. Truly and completely free. As many of you are well aware, however, freedom has its price and the cost of my independence was the loss of my best friend of more than eight years. Despite our differences I still love him, and it kills me to know that I have played a part in his pain. With my whole heart and soul I wish him nothing but all the love and happiness the world has to offer.
Compounding my sadness further, a former family member then passed away not even a week later, and I felt helpless to provide any comfort to those whom I had previously held dear. He was a good man and I will miss him and remember him fondly.
Through all of this I have tried to remind myself to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, for if I have learned anything over the last eight months it's that there is no going back. The only way to move on is to move forward. So I have picked up my adventure year banner once again and I am pushing forward into Adventure April!
My birthday is this month, this week actually, and I wanted to have some fun in honor of my twenty-sixth year. Last Sunday the weather was absolutely beautiful, and Mike and I went on my very first adventure for the month - a bona fide treasure hunt!
I don't think it would be much of a stretch to assume that many of you dear readers have enjoyed the ever entertaining "pirate looking for buried treasure" fantasy at some point during your youth. Or maybe you still dream about it, who knows? Not going to lie, being a pirate would be pretty bad ass... What I am guessing you DON'T know, however, is not only, through the magic of the Internet, can you find clues to hidden treasure, but the cost of doing so is completely free! Yup, you heard me right. It's a wonderful little activity called "letterboxing" (see the end of this post for more detailed information). I had read about it a couple of years ago in the newspaper and had always wanted to go, but never had anyone to go with. The basic premise of letterboxing is that you can download various "clues" and then follow said clues until you find the hidden container at the end of the trail, which usually contains a hand-carved stamp and a logbook. Once found, you can ink your own personal stamp into the box's logbook and note your name and the date on which you found it. Then you stamp the letterbox symbol into your own journal as a souvenir, re-hide the box in the same location and, voilà! Someone else can later find the same "treasure" and see that you left your mark.
There are hundreds of letterboxes all over Columbus and the surrounding cities, but there were at least twenty or more hidden out at Greenlawn Cemetery alone, so that is where Mike and I decided to pop our letterboxing cherries. Despite initially having trouble following the clues, it was incredibly exciting to find our first box. I felt like a kid in a candy store when we opened it up to see what was inside. We went on to find at least a dozen more over the course of four hours, and we didn't even get to all the ones on the list! We came home hungry, sunburned, exhausted, and pleased as punch that our first letterboxing outing lead to such bountiful results. We are both hooked and are already planning our next adventure for later this week when we are in Hocking Hills. We will also take Mike's four year old little boy with us at some point because I am sure he will get a kick out of looking for buried treasure. What kid wouldn't?
I am trying to keep that same childlike sense of wonder and adventure alive this month and not dwell too much on adult worries that are out of my control. It doesn't do me any good to stress myself out with needless anxiety at the moment. So, in the interest of journeying forward, and in the spirit of this piratey post, I am going to try really hard to remember the following (which I am shamelessly stealing from a Rachel Platten song) -
"Keep your eyes set on the horizon on the line where blue meets blue..."
.JPG) | |||
| My awesome hand-carved stamp! |
 |
| The inside of an actual letterbox. |
 |
| The horrendous picture Mike took of me because he told me to, "Smile with your whole face!" Thanks :-P |
 |
| Mike poking around in the bush... |
For more information on Letterboxing check out the following websites...
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Missing In Action
I feel I owe you an apology dear readers, I have been woefully neglectful of my blog the last few weeks. "Mindfulness March" would be more aptly named "Mike March" at this point, as he has consumed most of my time and thoughts. (If you don't know who Mike is, see my previous post here...)
I am sure, however, that you can commiserate with me. We have all been there before- you know the scenario. Guy messages girl, girl meets guy, both are completely and disgustingly engrossed with each other, and a lovely-dovey barf fest ensues.
Drunk on dopamine and norepinephrine, the heady cocktail of pleasure chemicals produced in the brain during the beginning stages of a new relationship, I literally feel like a junkie and Mike is my dealer. One hit just isn't enough. Side effects of infatuation overdose include butterflies in your stomach whenever you see your paramour, the constant wondering how they are and what they are doing when you are apart, and your heart skipping a beat when you receive a call or text from that special someone... Oh boy, I am a sick, sick little girl my friends...
All joking aside, as a result of this budding attraction, I have seriously been shirking my adventure year duties. I don't think I have yet accomplished a single thing I set out to do this month and March is already half way over. I haven't read any of my books, I haven't been meditating, I haven't visited the Buddhist Temple, I haven't been keeping up with my blog (because I have nothing to blog about), and even my journaling has been sporadic at best.
I was feeling pretty guilty about all of this until a few days ago when I happened to be re-watching one of my favorite movies- Eat, Pray, Love. (Which also happens to be one of the inspirations for my adventure year.) A line from one of the scenes hit me like a slap in the face. In the story Liz (Julia Roberts), who is reeling from a nasty divorce, travels all over the world trying to find herself. She journeys to Italy, India, and ends up in Bali where she meets a man and falls in love. Towards the end of the movie he asks her to go away with him for a week right before she is getting ready to leave to go back to the United States. She balks at the offer siting "losing her balance" (emotionally and spiritually) as the reason why she won't go with him. Later, while talking about it to her medicine man friend Ketut, he says-
I am sure, however, that you can commiserate with me. We have all been there before- you know the scenario. Guy messages girl, girl meets guy, both are completely and disgustingly engrossed with each other, and a lovely-dovey barf fest ensues.
Drunk on dopamine and norepinephrine, the heady cocktail of pleasure chemicals produced in the brain during the beginning stages of a new relationship, I literally feel like a junkie and Mike is my dealer. One hit just isn't enough. Side effects of infatuation overdose include butterflies in your stomach whenever you see your paramour, the constant wondering how they are and what they are doing when you are apart, and your heart skipping a beat when you receive a call or text from that special someone... Oh boy, I am a sick, sick little girl my friends...
(Clears throat...) Hello everyone, my name's Mary Anne, and I am a loveaholic...
I was feeling pretty guilty about all of this until a few days ago when I happened to be re-watching one of my favorite movies- Eat, Pray, Love. (Which also happens to be one of the inspirations for my adventure year.) A line from one of the scenes hit me like a slap in the face. In the story Liz (Julia Roberts), who is reeling from a nasty divorce, travels all over the world trying to find herself. She journeys to Italy, India, and ends up in Bali where she meets a man and falls in love. Towards the end of the movie he asks her to go away with him for a week right before she is getting ready to leave to go back to the United States. She balks at the offer siting "losing her balance" (emotionally and spiritually) as the reason why she won't go with him. Later, while talking about it to her medicine man friend Ketut, he says-
"To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life."
Holy shit! Even though I have heard that line a hundred times, when he uttered those words I felt like he was actually speaking directly to me, and in that moment I no longer felt guilty because I realized he is right. To be completely irresponsible for love is sometimes exactly what we need, or at least is exactly what I need at this particular time.
I have been so uptight for so long it was starting to wear me down. So many people depend on me and expect me to be the "rational and mature" one. I can't remember the last time I have had fun on a consistent basis, let alone the last time I was truly, blissfully, happy. Maybe it's selfish, but damn it, I have been through a lot the last seven months, and I think I deserve to cut loose a little and toss responsibility to the wayside for a while. I am tired of working myself to death, and I am tired of looking at myself in the mirror in the morning and seeing dark circles under my eyes because I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I didn't make huge changes in my life just to sign up for new stressors.
So guess what? I am going rogue. That's right, I am going off the grid for a little while, and will be back at the end of the month just in time for April. Mindfulness can suck it. Suck it long, and suck it hard! From the onset of this project I knew I was going to be terrible at it anyway, and to be perfectly honest, maybe this is the Universe's way of saving me from myself. I just about guarantee that trying to be "mindful" with everything going on at this point in my journey, boyfriend or no boyfriend, I probably would have ended up wanting to cut somebody before the end of the first week. I will be the first to admit that I am a hopeless perfectionist, and not being "good" at something drives me bat shit crazy. It would have just been too stressful. I plan to circle back and address it at some point later on, but now is not the time for it. Instead I am going to be flexible and just roll with the cards that have been dealt to me. (And for once it's a pretty damn good hand! If this were euchre it would totally be a loner...) Therefore, I am re-christening this month "joyfulness" because, so far, that seems to have been the underlying theme. I am perfectly fine with continuing to act like a giddy teenager and find delight in spending time with my man, rather than trying to beat and wrestle my monkey mind into submission from the half lotus position.
Don't worry, this is only a brief hiatus. I will be back in a couple of weeks. Maybe by then I will have managed to come down a little from my romantic high. If not, well... Anyone know a good twelve step program for smitten kittens? :)
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Game, Set, Match...
"The problem is, as the Buddhists have long identified, is that when our monkey mind jumps from tree limb to tree limb, it brings the rest of the monkey along for the ride."
-Jana Riess Flunking Sainthood
I'm only on day three (as of writing this) of mindfulness March, and I am already failing miserably. Granted, it's not all entirely my fault, I've had a lot of help. You see, I met someone. Someone who I think is pretty damn special... but I am getting ahead of myself.
In the aftermath of "Dateapaloosa" last weekend, I was reeling in disappointment. The rejection from the Traveler left me feeling frustrated and discouraged. I had another date lined up with the Scientist, but while he was nice and fun to talk to, there wasn't really a spark, or the passion needed to make a relationship work. I agreed to go out with him again, but if I am being really honest with myself, my heart wasn't in it.
Monday night, while attempting to process everything that happened in my journal, I had a long conversation about the whole thing and the following is a condensed version... (If you don't understand my journaling process, see my blog post about it here...)
Monday, February 25, 2013
[Talking about my dates...]
The Scientist asked me out again, and the slightly awkward Dog Lover sent me an email about his french press, but no date request, which I thought was weird. [The Dog Lover had not yet made his exit at this point.] Whatever, what is meant to be will be. Maybe I will see how these last two end and then disable my [OkCupid] profile- who knows? It's a learning experience.
That's a good way of looking at it child. What have you learned?
Well, I have a few more things to add to my list. Like "confidence" and "must love meat." Haha... Maybe I need to keep focusing on me for right now. I didn't want to hear it at the time, but if people are going to freak out about it, maybe it would be better to try and date after the divorce is official.
That's entirely up to you Dearheart.
On the one hand, dating gives me an idea of what I do and don't want. On the other hand it's been sort of stressful and you have to weed out a lot of idiots. I will just wait and see what happens I suppose. Get a jump start on March with learning to let go...
That is a big skill you need to master child, probably one of the most important before you are ready for another relationship. You have to be able to trust someone else enough to let go of the reigns once and awhile.
I know you are right, I just wish there was an easier way.
If you believe it will be hard, it will be...
Ugh. I know, I know!
You may "know" but you have yet to apply it...
... While we are talking about it, let's revamp "the list"...
[As an aside here, the original "list" came about in August when things started falling apart with my marriage. My husband and I, at the time, both came up with lists of things we wanted in a potential partner and then compared the two. The many differences, I believe, were the fatal blow that made us realize we simply weren't compatible anymore. The updated list as of Monday is as follows...]
Must Haves
- Kind/Compassionate/Loving
- Empathetic
- Supportive
- Emotionally open
- Spiritual
- Open-minded
- Considerate
- Intellectually stimulating
- Accepting
- Encouraging
- Brings out the best in me
- Creative
- Honest
- Fun/Playful/Joyful
- Passionate
- Values the importance of family
- Romantic/Sexy
- Authentic
- Good listener
- Gentle/Patient
- Appreciative/Thankful
- Loyal/Faithful
- Good sense of humor
- Takes care of themselves mind, body, and soul and is accepting of how I take care of myself (aka. my diet...)
- Confident
- Hospitable/Generous
- Educated (though doesn't have to be formally, there are smart people out there who didn't go to college...)
- Positive outlook
- Good with kids/animals
Would Like to Have
- Athletic/Enjoys physical activity
- Good friend
- Chivalrous
- Driven/Motivated
- Organized
- Adventurous
- Peaceful, doesn't need to have constant stimulation
- Stable/Safe
- Similar interests
- Is okay that I can be pensive sometimes
- Self-sufficient
- Stands up for himself
- Enthusiastic
- Mature
- Unique/Quirky, not afraid to be himself
- Practical/Logical when the situation calls for it
- Strong/Protective, can take care of me sometimes
(Forty-six things in all...)
Do you really think this guy is out there somewhere, with not just these things, but more?
Dearheart, your perfect mate is here somewhere, whether you realize it or not, and when the time is right he will make an appearance and waltz right in like he owns the place. When it happens you will know. You both have to be ready. Can you honestly say you are ready right now? If he would show up tomorrow [SPOILER ALERT!!!] would your "house be clean" so to speak? Would you be where you want to be mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually?
No :(
Long story short, the rest of the conversation had to do with me admitting that there is always room for improvement, and it would be in my best interest to stop worrying to much about dating and give it over to the Universe to deal with. So that's what I did. I said "Okay, I am going to stop trying to manhandle life, here it is, do with it what you will..." and left it to fate.
Fate, it seems, is an impish little bastard.
I don't know if it was the simple act of finally letting go, but the Universe was conspiring at that very moment to send me someone very special.
Cue the Writer.
Literally the next day, on Tuesday morning, I awoke to an email in my OkCupid inbox from a man which stated-
"Wow, you are super cute :)
I think you may be missing a word in the initial clause of your first
sentence [of my profile] - the one that speaks of your intelligence, ironically enough. Funny
how typos tend to strike at the most inopportune times :P
Don't take that as an insult. There was no other way to mention it,
and as a professional editor, I felt an overwhelming compulsion to
do so. You are clearly intelligent. Of that, I have no doubt."
All right smart ass, you have my attention. We were also very highly matched percentage wise based on our profiles so I decided to see what would happen... So I wrote him back.
Over the course of the next two days we exchanged over 20 emails. When I told him about my spiritual beliefs his response was, "OoOoo.... scary. o____0" Several emails after that I told him I was in the process of getting divorced and he replied, "It doesn't change a thing to me..." Who the hell did this guy think he was? Here I am laying out all my cards on the table, practically trying to scare him off and here he is sticking around like a barnacle on a whale's behind. This kind of stuff just doesn't happen in real life.
We agreed to meet for the first time Saturday evening for yet another coffee date. (What can I say? I like Cup of Joe...) Let me tell you, it's a good thing I don't have a preexisting heart condition, because all day long it would skip a beat whenever I thought about the fact that I was finally going to get to meet this amazing man in person later that evening, and believe me I had that thought frequently. Quite frankly, I think it's a small miracle I am still breathing.
I ended up getting there early because I wanted some time to write in my journal and calm my nerves. I was operating under the idea that "If it is too good to be true, it probably is..." I was just waiting to find out he had a third nipple or something crazy. He just couldn't be THAT perfect. I'd like to say the writing helped, but looking back I think it was more entertaining than soothing...
Saturday March 2, 2013
... As I was saying to him last night, it's almost like he's always been there, even though we didn't start talking until Tuesday. I want to make plans with this guy, I don't want to date anyone else. I feel ridiculous saying this because I haven't even met him yet.
You wanted a love story :)
Man I guess so. I dunno, but what I do know is this month is mindfulness and I have already sucked at it because I am constantly thinking about him, but when he gets here I will be present every second. This guy makes my heart want to sing, and even though it's incredibly scary, I am going to enjoy it. I am just going to focus on coffee and hope my heart doesn't explode with excitement and anticipation.
I am glad you are happy child. This makes me happy.
Yes, ridiculously happy, holy shit it's unreal. It feels like a dream. I keep thinking if I pinch myself I am going to wake up. Nope, just pinched myself, it hurt... I am definitely awake... You know I was thinking this morning how I kept asking for the perfect man, a soul mate, and you kept saying "have patience," "have patience..." The irony of meeting such a special man on the second day of "mindfulness and patience" month is not lost on me.
You liked that one? :) I thought you might...
You may be God, but you can be a real turd sometimes.
Heehee. What people don't understand is I have a sense of humor...
Shit, he should be here any minute, it's 6:45 and we are supposed to meet by 7. Oh my god, I think he's here, I am pretty sure my heart is going to beat out of my chest... shit, shit, shit...
And there he was. As beautiful in real life as he was via our conversations over the internet. He reminded me a lot of a dark haired, freckle-less version of Eddie Redmayne, (oh yeah ladies, you know who I am talking about!) and that was perfectly fine with me.
We went and got our coffee and sat down to talk. By this point, I am running on less that four hours of sleep, (because I was up late the night before talking to him), nervous, and already one coffee deep so I was feeling jazzed up like a squirrel on speed trying really hard not to completely lose it and make an ass out of myself.
At one point, he took my hands in his. I made the comment that "That was nice." Surprised, he asked "Didn't any of your other dates try to touch you?" (He had read my blog post and I told him about my other previous dates...) "No, those dates ended with a hug, but that's it." He looked at me and very nonchalantly remarked, "What fools," as he continued to hold my hand.
Ohhh, this guy is good... REALLY good... I think the Writer could charm the pants off a shrew. Even more dangerous was the fact that I knew he was being completely sincere.
After we finished our coffee, we ended up going back to my apartment to watch a movie. When he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in to whisper a question about the film in my ear, a question which I no longer remember because my brain wasn't functioning at the time, I knew I was a goner. Game, set, match, my friends, this guy is a keeper.
To say our first date was a smashing success would be a gross understatement. I am not even sure there are words to describe how incredibly joyful the Writer makes me feel. I didn't even know this level of happiness even existed. Could he be the perfect man I have been looking for? I don't know for sure, but I have an inkling deep down in my soul that our meeting was no accident and this could be the start of something magical.
What I do know is, after he left that night, the first thing we both did was disable our online dating profiles. Neither of us have any desire to see anyone else right now, and I personally hope I never have to reactivate mine.
I don't know what it is about him, but he just seems to resonate with me on a level I have never felt before with anyone else. I have no idea where this journey will take me, but as long as he is there I am content.
(And if you are reading this sir, which I know you inevitably will, I hope you feel the same way :)
[Update]
So the first person I showed the rough draft of this post to was Mike. (Aka the Writer. I don't think I have to use a non de plume for him anymore, I guarantee you are going to be hearing about him a lot more...) His response was, "Beautiful. When I write you, I want you to include in somewhere in your blog... maybe just in part. Enough so that your readers understand the feeling is reciprocated :)" So here is
what he wrote me... he says he's "not a poet," psshhh... I will let
you decide dear readers...
It is
finally time to leave this corpse,
to bid
farewell to the shell of my seed
and climb
through the husks
below which
I've been buried -
the blue
tomb of a heart left frozen
for the
guttering of weaker flames.
And I will
look back for perspective,
if only to
understand
how little I
knew of four-letter-words
spoken
softly to ears that would not hear.
I've a new
moon now
to pull the
tides of my passion;
a new
constellation to steal
the breath
from my lungs and
leave me
defenseless, stricken mute
by the
beauty that traces
sacred
circles through the night
and sacred
promises
across my
heart.
Now I give
myself to this new sky,
my heart
placed atop one final altar,
as I pass my
spirit into her keeping.
For this
time I am certain
beyond the
gnawing of any doubt
that the one
I kneel before
is to be my
queen.
Melt... See, I
told you this guy was good! Sorry ladies, he's not available, I am going to
keep him :)
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
50 First Dates...
Stacy- So you must be Lucy's friend. The one who made the tape.
Lucy- I think he's more than my friend. You're my boyfriend, right?
Henry- Yes ma'am.
Stacy- So everyday you help her realize what happened and wait patiently for her to be okay with it, then you get her to fall in love with you again?
Henry- Yes ma'am.
Stacy- Gosh... (a longing sigh, then slaps her husband in the chest) You asshole! You don't even open the fricking car door for me anymore!
Ah, first dates... They are fascinating creatures. It's your first impression of someone, so both people are on their very best behavior hoping to impress this stranger who could potentially be A) your next sexual partner, B) your soul mate or C) a complete psychopath who you will wish you had never met, but unfortunately, didn't figure that out until date number three or four.
Unlike Henry (Adam Sandler) in 50 First Dates, who has to convince his beloved with short term memory loss (Drew Barrymore), to go out with him all over again every day, most people are lucky enough that they only have to go through a first date with a particular person one time. This is a good thing, as first dates can be nerve-wracking. With that being said, then you have the completely insane like me who schedule three first dates, with three different guys, all within a 30 hour time frame.
Go big or go home, my friends. Go big or go home.
To be perfectly honest, I didn't plan for it to happen this way, it just sorta did. I am discovering that I am apparently a hot commodity on OkCupid. I even got an email from the website yesterday saying, "Congrats! Based on the number of clicks on your profile and user ratings, you are one of the most attractive people on this site! Don't let it go to your head..." (I proceeded to laugh hysterically and delete it.)
I have contacted, and been contacted, by several guys over the last few weeks and it all just culminated into them asking me out all at the same time, for the same weekend. I considered trying to spread it out over the course of the following week, but due to my lack of dating experience I figured I would lose my nerve, (and almost did to be frank), and should just bite the bullet and get it over with. As a result, my weekend could have been aptly named "Dateapaloosa!" I ended up with one date on Saturday and two on Sunday...
Date Number One- The Dog Lover
I was most anxious about this one, mostly because it was really my first official date in almost a decade (no pressure or anything). We met at a coffee shop to chat for a few hours. It was a little awkward at first, because I get the impression he's pretty shy, and we were both nervous, but conversation soon relaxed once we began talking about our jobs and our dogs. He's was very sweet in a quiet sort of way, which I am not used to shy guys so it took some adjusting to. He actually gave me a really wonderful compliment by calling me a "renaissance woman." (Meaning I am good at many things, and have a variety of interests. A nicer way of saying "jack of all trades" I suppose.) Never really thought of myself that way, but the title is rather appropriate the more I think about it.
Date Number Two- The Scientist
Date number two was another coffee date, though this one was at one of my favorite local places that I frequent. I think between the familiar locale and already having one date under my belt significantly helped my confidence. Didn't really need it though, the Scientist was anything but shy. In fact, sometimes it was hard getting a word in edge wise! That really didn't bother me much though, it gave me a chance to practice active listening skills and let someone else be the center of attention for once, which is something I need to work on more in personal relationships. Morning coffee turned into lunch and we talked about his research on cancer treatments and my work with holistic medicine, family, sports, pets, you name it. He was bubbly and enthusiastic and I really enjoyed chatting with him over yummy food.
Date Number Three- The Traveler
Save the best for last, this date was the one I was most looking forward to because I had contacted him first, and after talking via email we just had so much in common. We decided to meet at the art museum, which was exciting to me because I love art. I was freaking out a little before our appointed time to meet because I was super early and because I wanted to make a good first impression. I wandered around the gift shop for awhile and then hung up my coat. When I came back, there he was waiting in the lobby and all my nervousness disappeared. Conversation as we walked around looking at the art was friendly and comfortable, an easy give and take that felt very natural. At one point we were stopped by a group of older women remarking on how "nice we looked together," because our outfits matched "perfectly," and "did we plan it that way?" All the while we are laughing because this was literally the first time we had ever met in person. After the museum we went and got coffee and talked for another hour or more. I left for the night with a huge grin on my face, I had had a great time.
Looking back, I am glad I made it through my dating marathon in one piece, I had been really worried about it all the previous week. I consulted many of my dating savvy friends and got a lot of mixed advice such as, "one night stands are okay," and "don't tell them you are getting divorced on the first date." After stressing about it for a few days, I ultimately decided to throw "conventional" wisdom out the window and do things MY way, which meant really listening to my heart to decide what was right for me in any given moment.
And you know what? That worked for me. Each date ended with a hug and nothing more and I was totally fine with that. I don't believe that you have to hop into bed with someone, or even swap spit on a first date. If that's your thing, and you have a willing partner, great- more power to you. It's just not for me. Don't get me wrong, if I really like someone I would be willing to push boundaries after a couple of dates, but I am in no hurry. If my date can't understand and accept this then they are not the man for me.
Update: At the time I started writing this post I hadn't heard back from any of the dates yet, but have since been contacted by all three. The Dog Lover declined going out again because I was honest and said I wasn't looking for a serious relationship right now. He apparently was, and I totally respect that. Best of luck to him, he is a genuinely nice guy. The Scientist asked me out again and I think we are going to do something this weekend. The Traveler bowed out gracefully under the excuse that I wasn't "technically" divorced yet and he was uncomfortable with that. Disappointing? Yes. Surprising? Maybe a little, but to be perfectly honest I am not sure it would have worked anyway. He just celebrated ten years of being a vegetarian and with my diet there is absolutely no way I can cut out meat and stay healthy. (Besides why would I want to? Meat is delicious! I may or may not have cooked a half pack of bacon and a full package of chicken tenderloins in silent protest after receiving his email. Not that I was bitter or anything...) Does it suck? Of course, but I would rather be open and honest about who I am rather than lie to make someone like me. Loving someone means loving the whole person, not just the parts that are cute or convenient.
While a little extreme, in 50 First Dates, Henry loved Lucy despite the fact that he knew she would forget about him every night and wake up the next morning completely oblivious to their relationship. He really loved her at her core, for who she was as a human being.
So with that in mind, and in the words of yet another excellent movie... To all you fellas out there-
Lucy- I think he's more than my friend. You're my boyfriend, right?
Henry- Yes ma'am.
Stacy- So everyday you help her realize what happened and wait patiently for her to be okay with it, then you get her to fall in love with you again?
Henry- Yes ma'am.
Stacy- Gosh... (a longing sigh, then slaps her husband in the chest) You asshole! You don't even open the fricking car door for me anymore!
Ah, first dates... They are fascinating creatures. It's your first impression of someone, so both people are on their very best behavior hoping to impress this stranger who could potentially be A) your next sexual partner, B) your soul mate or C) a complete psychopath who you will wish you had never met, but unfortunately, didn't figure that out until date number three or four.
Unlike Henry (Adam Sandler) in 50 First Dates, who has to convince his beloved with short term memory loss (Drew Barrymore), to go out with him all over again every day, most people are lucky enough that they only have to go through a first date with a particular person one time. This is a good thing, as first dates can be nerve-wracking. With that being said, then you have the completely insane like me who schedule three first dates, with three different guys, all within a 30 hour time frame.
Go big or go home, my friends. Go big or go home.
To be perfectly honest, I didn't plan for it to happen this way, it just sorta did. I am discovering that I am apparently a hot commodity on OkCupid. I even got an email from the website yesterday saying, "Congrats! Based on the number of clicks on your profile and user ratings, you are one of the most attractive people on this site! Don't let it go to your head..." (I proceeded to laugh hysterically and delete it.)
I have contacted, and been contacted, by several guys over the last few weeks and it all just culminated into them asking me out all at the same time, for the same weekend. I considered trying to spread it out over the course of the following week, but due to my lack of dating experience I figured I would lose my nerve, (and almost did to be frank), and should just bite the bullet and get it over with. As a result, my weekend could have been aptly named "Dateapaloosa!" I ended up with one date on Saturday and two on Sunday...
Date Number One- The Dog Lover
I was most anxious about this one, mostly because it was really my first official date in almost a decade (no pressure or anything). We met at a coffee shop to chat for a few hours. It was a little awkward at first, because I get the impression he's pretty shy, and we were both nervous, but conversation soon relaxed once we began talking about our jobs and our dogs. He's was very sweet in a quiet sort of way, which I am not used to shy guys so it took some adjusting to. He actually gave me a really wonderful compliment by calling me a "renaissance woman." (Meaning I am good at many things, and have a variety of interests. A nicer way of saying "jack of all trades" I suppose.) Never really thought of myself that way, but the title is rather appropriate the more I think about it.
Date Number Two- The Scientist
Date number two was another coffee date, though this one was at one of my favorite local places that I frequent. I think between the familiar locale and already having one date under my belt significantly helped my confidence. Didn't really need it though, the Scientist was anything but shy. In fact, sometimes it was hard getting a word in edge wise! That really didn't bother me much though, it gave me a chance to practice active listening skills and let someone else be the center of attention for once, which is something I need to work on more in personal relationships. Morning coffee turned into lunch and we talked about his research on cancer treatments and my work with holistic medicine, family, sports, pets, you name it. He was bubbly and enthusiastic and I really enjoyed chatting with him over yummy food.
Date Number Three- The Traveler
Save the best for last, this date was the one I was most looking forward to because I had contacted him first, and after talking via email we just had so much in common. We decided to meet at the art museum, which was exciting to me because I love art. I was freaking out a little before our appointed time to meet because I was super early and because I wanted to make a good first impression. I wandered around the gift shop for awhile and then hung up my coat. When I came back, there he was waiting in the lobby and all my nervousness disappeared. Conversation as we walked around looking at the art was friendly and comfortable, an easy give and take that felt very natural. At one point we were stopped by a group of older women remarking on how "nice we looked together," because our outfits matched "perfectly," and "did we plan it that way?" All the while we are laughing because this was literally the first time we had ever met in person. After the museum we went and got coffee and talked for another hour or more. I left for the night with a huge grin on my face, I had had a great time.
Looking back, I am glad I made it through my dating marathon in one piece, I had been really worried about it all the previous week. I consulted many of my dating savvy friends and got a lot of mixed advice such as, "one night stands are okay," and "don't tell them you are getting divorced on the first date." After stressing about it for a few days, I ultimately decided to throw "conventional" wisdom out the window and do things MY way, which meant really listening to my heart to decide what was right for me in any given moment.
And you know what? That worked for me. Each date ended with a hug and nothing more and I was totally fine with that. I don't believe that you have to hop into bed with someone, or even swap spit on a first date. If that's your thing, and you have a willing partner, great- more power to you. It's just not for me. Don't get me wrong, if I really like someone I would be willing to push boundaries after a couple of dates, but I am in no hurry. If my date can't understand and accept this then they are not the man for me.
Update: At the time I started writing this post I hadn't heard back from any of the dates yet, but have since been contacted by all three. The Dog Lover declined going out again because I was honest and said I wasn't looking for a serious relationship right now. He apparently was, and I totally respect that. Best of luck to him, he is a genuinely nice guy. The Scientist asked me out again and I think we are going to do something this weekend. The Traveler bowed out gracefully under the excuse that I wasn't "technically" divorced yet and he was uncomfortable with that. Disappointing? Yes. Surprising? Maybe a little, but to be perfectly honest I am not sure it would have worked anyway. He just celebrated ten years of being a vegetarian and with my diet there is absolutely no way I can cut out meat and stay healthy. (Besides why would I want to? Meat is delicious! I may or may not have cooked a half pack of bacon and a full package of chicken tenderloins in silent protest after receiving his email. Not that I was bitter or anything...) Does it suck? Of course, but I would rather be open and honest about who I am rather than lie to make someone like me. Loving someone means loving the whole person, not just the parts that are cute or convenient.
While a little extreme, in 50 First Dates, Henry loved Lucy despite the fact that he knew she would forget about him every night and wake up the next morning completely oblivious to their relationship. He really loved her at her core, for who she was as a human being.
So with that in mind, and in the words of yet another excellent movie... To all you fellas out there-
"Take me for what I am,
Who I was meant to be.
And if you give a damn,
Take me baby, or leave me..."
Switching gears, this is my last post for the month. February has definitely been memorable... From the adult toy party to the strip club, online dating to being propositioned to be part of a threesome, (yes, that really happened and no, I didn't do it), I am almost sad to see February go. I almost feel like everything else is going to pale in comparison. March's theme, though not as exciting, is going to be really challenging for me. It might even be my most difficult month out of the whole year. I am going to be tackling mindfulness and patience. I can't tell you how many times in a day I zone out and get lost in my own little world. I also have this nasty habit of wanting to manhandle life and then getting frustrated when it doesn't turn out the way I want it to. So next month I am going to attempt to let go of control and let stuff just roll off my back.
Yeah, that could be interesting. Stay tuned my friends...
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